Oh Boy

So at the very real risk of being reported to CPS and having every other much more knowledgeable and safety conscious parent judge me, I am posting this video of Forrest's newest trick. ...Done in literally the span of 30 seconds while I stepped out of the room to move along a load of laundry. And I admit it... So maybe I immediately grabbed the camera rather than my son... but I swear I'm a pretty competent parent.   Still, it's probably a good thing this blog will only be read by my nearest and dearest.

So we obviously think Forrest is advanced. I mean, I guess every parent probably thinks their child is special, but seriously -- this kid.  He's something else. He's not even 3 months old yet and I feel like the next time I turn around he'll probably be doing a cartwheel and asking for an advance on his allowance.   He's rolling over with some regularity although his absolute refusal to do so in front of the camera is a point of ongoing consternation for me.   He laughs all the time and scrunches his little chin into his chest, peeking out at you under his amazing eyelashes. His newest thing is putting his arm around your neck or over your shoulder. He nestles right into your neck and you literally feel like you might melt into a puddle of ecstasy. The other day he slung his arm around my neck, leaned back and, I swear, winked at me. I almost died.

On another note, I've gotten one week back at work under my belt.  Besides the fact that I'm wearing heels again, I don't have too much else positive to say about it.  I'll give it some time, but I'm really torn.

Airplane wings and weddings

We are just getting home from a quick weekend trip to MI for Bo's sister Katie's wedding.  It was a lovely, Valentine's Day affair. Small and simple, but with all the love, family, and friends that make such events unforgettable and oh so special. It also made for Forrest's first airplane ride.  I have to say, he looked the part in his little aviator jacket, but had more than a few choice words to shriek while experiencing pressure change for the first time.   I think we had every single surrounding person lamenting with us and exchanging advice that was "sure to work" as we struggled to help him pop his ears or whatever his little body needed to do.   Poor thing.  The second flight I nursed him the whole 40 minutes and we barely heard a peep.  I think there is a certain amount of grace though for the heart-wrenching newborn cry.  A toddler's bellows may not elicit quite so many kind-hearted grimaces. I'm sure we'll find out in another couple years. 

Walking around the airport, we took turns holding the little man in the front pack. It was all I could do to hide the twinkle and little giggle every time Bo took him. Don't tell Bo I said this, but he positively strutted every time he was holding Forrest. It may have just been the 12 lbs strapped to his front and the sudden change in center of gravity, but I swear his chest puffed out, his gate changed, and I almost expected a plume of peacock feathers to suddenly spread out behind him.   

On Saturday, Forrest gave the bride a run for her money in the attention-getting department.  Next wedding I may have to lock him in a closet or something so he doesn't steal all the oohs and aahhs. It is fun, though, to see him interact and engage with people so much more than even a few weeks ago. He loves his older cousins a
nd they all can't wait "until he does stuff" as 4 yr. old Logan says.  I was never really that close with my cousins growing up -- for both distance and age factors.  Bo, however, has over 20 first and second cousins that he grew up with and spent nearly every summer at the lake with.  I hope and pray that Forrest gets to experience that kind of camaraderie and extended family adventures. They are for sure friendships and memories that are priceless.  

The Real World Beckons

So I'm headed back to work next week.  One moment I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and putting on real clothes, and the next moment I'm fighting this panicky desperation at the thought of being away from Forrest so long.   Granted, it's only 20 hours and 3 days a week.  It can't be that bad right?   We'll see if perhaps I have more patience for work place drama than before...

So now there are all these pumping and working mom aspects I need to know.  How much milk does Forrest need for a 7-8 hour day away from me? How does my care provider not overfeed him (or underfeed him for that matter...If only he could talk, this would all be so much easier.) Am I going to need to keep increasing the amount of milk I leave with her as he gets bigger? What if I can't pump enough to keep up?  Luckily, i stumbled across WorkandPump.com which helped answer many of these. What the heck did moms (ok, people in general) do before the internet?

Sleep Deprived Musings

Forrest found his hands today. He hasn't quite figured out the idea of sucking on a finger, but he was fascinated by his balled up fists-- his little tongue flicking all around them like a crazed lizard. Lately, he's been desperately trying to gauge his eyes out, so I have to say I'm thankful for the lizard-like licking.  

He's starting to get more curious about the world around him. Granted it's a world that is about a 5 ft bubble, but it is growing. He absolutely loves his floor mobile - for about 15 minutes, then he's totally over it. Ceiling fans could be his favorite . . . well, besides my boobs. Those he goes bat crazy for.  He acts like a crack addict gone too long without a fix. And then sometimes in the middle, if he loses the latch - which is quite often, he starts this panicky, desperate squealing. I think in another life he may have experienced starvation.

Bo came up with the name Forrest, and though we hadn't agreed on any of the other 47 million names proposed, this one sounded right.  (I had to vehemently shoot down Wyatt White).  We agreed though, that if Forrest ended up being special needs at all, we'd have to change his name.  Little guy can own any Gump jokes otherwise. Although his vast array of tongue tricks made me wonder for a while, I think we're in the clear.

... Later ...
Just did what seems like my 15th load of laundry today. I've come to a startling revelation. Forrest has been wearing loads and loads of the most adorable little outfits. Just looking at the clothes sends my heart pitter patter and he's not even in them.  Bo has quite the array of very hip, good looking threads. My clothes, however, consist entirely of pajama bottoms, nursing tops, leggings and work out clothes - in which I very rarely do any actual working out.

Hi. I'm 10 weeks old.

February 2, 2013

Forrest is 10 weeks old today. He already fits into his 6mo. clothes and it feels so odd to be watching him grow and mature before my very eyes. Sometimes I want to mush his little head and legs together - a ghastly, halfhearted attempt to keep him tiny and fresh and new. Then other days I can't wait until he crawls and runs.  I have visions of his cheeky grin looking back at me as he races to the school bus with some adorable backpack on that will inevitably cover the majority of his body.  

I never knew how in love with him I would be. I mean, they tell you. But how can you describe the constricting, seething mass of pulsing blood in your heart that threatens to explode all over the place if you loved anything even just one iota more?  It hurts. This kind of love actually hurts. And it feels so good at the same time that I'm sur e I may never stop crying or smiling for pure joy.    

And to think I didn't know if I wanted him.   Forrest was a surprise. It could have come at a much worse time. We'd been married for 5 and a half years. We were stable financially, physically, emotionally. I just didn't think I wanted it yet. Didn't think i was selfless enough yet. Didn't want to have to give anything up yet.   I look around at our once neat as a pin house, now cluttered with any number of garishly bright and indefatigably loud baby contraptions, and smile so happily.  For all the fear and uncertainty, anxiety and frustration my heart has never felt so full or so happy.      With his little webbed toes, crazy baby acne, nonexistent eyebrows, and amazing mullet, he is so undeniably perfect.  He is the most gorgeous miniature human. And we made him. He is ours. He is real.

An Evolution

It has been a while since I've posted anything on here. Looking back I was pretty focused on deeper, insightful themes. Life evolves, however, and the eye of my current storm involves decidedly more swings, swaddles, and spit-up. Perhaps blogging about life as a new mother and the fantastically deep discoveries of a newborn is too sharp a deviation from this blogs original theme. I guess we'll see, though. My life has undeniably shifted with the birth of Forrest Kane White. (November 25, 2013) Perhaps this new stream of consciousness will be for little more than grandparents and girlfriends. Regardless, this blog will just have to keep up with life as we now know it.