I fight this panicky sense of desperation lately...wanting so badly to have things happen...and watching helplessly as my plans fall like innumerable grains of sand through my fingers. I've pleaded with God these past weeks that His will be done - His will and not mine. But when, yet again, I come up empty handed I struggle with understanding what then His plan is. Am I so far off? How long do I . . .can I. . . wait? And then, like a sweet spring shower bringing life and freshness and hope, I am reminded again that His plan is worth waiting for. That He hasn't forgotten. That no matter what, He is still worthy. More worthy than i could ever fathom.
This is my prayer in the desert, when all else within me feels dry.
This is my prayer in my hunger and need, my God is the God who provides.
And this is my prayer in the fire . . .
I will bring praise, I will bring praise . . . no weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice; I will declare; God is my victory and He is here.
All of my life, in every season, you are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.
Yes God, no matter the circumstances, no matter the struggle, no matter the feelings of desperation, longing, the hunger for answers - I STILL have reason to sing. YOU are my reason to worship. No matter what goes "wrong" in life - YOU are still God.
David, in his darkest hour still clung to the hope that is You. "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil." He mimics my heart's cry when he asks (Psalm 13:1-3), "How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will you hide Your face from me? . . . Consider and hear me, O Lord my God; Enlighten my eyes."
And then I hear again those words from Hillsong United, "All of my life, in every season, you are still God. I have reason to sing; I have reason to worship." And David wakes, as if from a stupor, (13:5), "But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me."
In EVERY season, You are still God. I have a reason to worship.
I have been here so many times my sweet friend and the one thing I have learned is that God is always good and His plans are always perfect. Even when our circumstances seem overwhelming and we feel as though He is so far. Just when I get to the end of my rope the God of the universe shows up and reminds me that He loves me and wants only the best for me. Me!?! I still find that amazing.
ReplyDeleteDive into Lamentations 3 and see that Lord has not forgotten you and will provide new mercies every day to get through this season. Praying for you!
Nicole, it is funny..ironic really, that you're feeling such a sense of helplessness in this season of marriage, when I remember a great season of helplessness as I waited FOR marriage. I was just like "Much Afraid" in the allegory Hinds Feet on High Places being led from the Valley of the Fearings into the High Places by the Good Shepherd. And although I was certain of what I wanted in my immediate future...it did not happen. As I looked back many years later, I saw the wisdom in the waiting..even Jesus' life was marked by seasons of anonymity, no? Not just seasons of waiting but of intense work in the inner man...love you so much...ckehn6
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