Life Now

Its been 3 months since i've graduated. Two months since i started working. Vegas is hot, and i miss school. Life is weird i've decided as you grow up. The way I pictured it working out isn't necessarily reality, and on one hand that is fine. On the other hand, it makes me yearn for what else is out there. I refuse to let this 9-5 life be it. "Normalcy" i've decided is subpar. I don't know what yet, but i'm going to do more --- I have to.

Three Cups of Tea

"THE ENEMY IS IGNORANCE"

Dr. Greg Mortenson, aka Dr. Greg, as he is so fondly called by Pakistani, Afghani and Balti alike, has made my head spin as i finish an incredible read of his inspiring account of his mission to promote peace with books not bombs over the past decade. Maybe its his residence in Bozeman, Montana that strikes a cord, or maybe its the fact that he has single handedly done more for this region than our whole military might has seemed to be able to muster.

From a successful K2 climber in the Hindu Kush to a passionate activist for the right of the Baltisan people to be granted education that promotes no religion, no sect, no gender, and no agenda, Dr. Greg Mortenson is a true 21st century hero. His story, Three Cups of Tea, is a must read and soon after finishing the last word, i am left aching to help his cause....a cause too large for one man or one organization to bear, but one that Mortenson has admirably and successfully continued to attempt.

How can we, as a nation, hope to bring peace to a nation when we prioritize education, clean water, and women's rights far below the often idealized notion of security and democracy? Yes, the latter too are oh so important, but they will be forever at risk when core of the problem is left ignored. In a country where lack of education leads young boys to flock to the Madrassas where they are indoctrined by extremist jihadi, doesn't building schools to teach basic arithmetic, history, literature and science and not just militant jihadi make sense??

"Vast swaths of the country were barely served by Pakistan's (also true in Afghanistan) struggling, inadequately funded public schools. The madrassa system targeted the impoverished students the public system failed. By offering free room and board and building schools in areas where none existed, madrassas provided millions of Pakistan's parents with their only opportunity to educate their children (pg. 243)."

Determined to see this change, Mortenson has since established 78 schools serving over 28,000 students in the most remote and often war torn areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan. He has survived an armed kidnapping, multiple death threats and fatwas by angry mullahs and literally hundreds of trips from the US to what President Clinton dubbed "the most dangerous place in the world today." If he is not a hero, i'm not sure who would be.

Mortenson has had tea with the Taliban and sat alone with the shrouded Mother Theresa just days after her passing. He has spoken with presidents and generals, with military and civilian, influential and not. He has given and given....in the hope that the lives of the people of this often forgotten corner of the world would be better....and in that, the lives of people the world around. His cause is one of the most noble i have come across, and his mission more inspiring that mere words can do justice.

For some -- in highschool and in select parts of the military-- this book is a required read. I believe it should also be for the operators i am surrounded by and so proud of. Tactics are not solely taught on the training field.

worth a thousand words

Just to peak the curiosity . . .

A Country Apart

I graduate in two weeks and will finally be 

home full time with Bo. Perhaps it is that, or perhaps it is partly due to the stories from abroad that naturally come from such an absence as deployment, but i am itching for the chance to travel once more.  After living abroad twice, and undertaking the stimulating challenge of immersing myself in different cultures, i feel claustrophobic and ancy if I am in one place for too long.  I had never had much of an interest in traveling to the middle east, but more and more i am intrigued by the curious pictures coming from Bo's camera.   No, the country does not have particularly beautiful monuments or "touristy" areas.  Even something particularly noteworthy is not easy to find.   These pictures belie a sense of something much deeper however.  How does a people forced to live  this ruggedly survive?  What would a women whose sole endeavor is to care for her husband and her children while obeying every law and mandate do for fun?  What are the lessons taught in these schools like?  How do these farmers make a living with their utter lack of modern machinery or even irrigation?  Who are these Afghanis?

      

Seeing the children

Listening to my podcast should give you a better sense of the guys' mission and what they were able to do while deployed. Its both interesting and painful for me to hear of the incredible amount of children being caught in the crossfire of this war every day.  The physical wounds are acute and desperately evident. There is also the more subtle would they all suffer mentally through the hardship and confusion of living life in a third world country and through a wobbly and distorted lens of the "outside" world that is often misconstrued and wharping.  To many of these kids, we are the enemy. Does that not cause you to flinch? For an overall mission who's goal is as much humanitarian as combative, the knowledge that many of these Afghani children are growing up learning to hate us is discouraging to say the least.

Not all feel that way, of course.  Hopefully not even a majority. For the pararescumen flying overhead there are many waves and excited yells, but there are also those kids throwing rocks and shaking their fists as a stoic reminder that even 8 years after the war has started the local people are not convinced their lives are any better.   War is not pretty, and the steps taken to secure our homeland are not always easy. However, trying to reconcile the fact that they are so bred to hate us is a bitter pill to swallow. 

I am proud and thankful for the military forces over there -- ours and the other coalition forces. The work Bo and his team were able to do, especially medically, is noteworthy.  For a country and an enemy who have no qualms using their own people and their own children as collateral damage, the job of rescuing and treating these wounded seems endless.  I can only pray that out of the horror of war, comes peace, and not just a peace with bondage and oppression, but a peace that stems from optimism and freedom.    

from the front lines...

The stories Bo had on his return gave me the chills-- both because of how real war has become and how proud i am of the work Bo and his team was able to do for the coalition forces and the local Afghan people.

Here is an excerpt from a look inside...

Bo White Podcast

The wait is over

He's home! True to form his plane was delayed even once more to prolong the anticipation of his return just a few more hours. I was told by other wives though, that as soon as I saw him, i wouldn't remember how frustrating it might have been and all my worries would fade into the distance. They couldn't have been more right. I have my baby back. It is an unbelievably good feeling.

24 hours

It's less than a day away now...i can't sit still, i can't eat, and i definitely couldn't sleep last night.  I feel a little like i did when i knew i was meeting him for the first time.

It seems like i've waited forever for him to come home.  Tomorrow will be an amazing day.

all butterflies

Bo is coming home so soon!  After  his arrival date changing four times and now a week to ten days later than expected, he is en route.  They left Afghanistan today and were traveling to Italy, Spain and then home to Nellis AFB.   I know they had a 16-20 hour layover in Spain, so i'm imagining him right now on the beaches of southern Spain sipping sangria and taking in the sun and civilization around him.   I know he was ready to come home....saying i am ready for him is an understatement.

Hearing on Friday that he was coming home not in a few days, but in a whole other week was like a punch in my gut. We had already made a lot of plans for the following week, including appointments with realtors, mechanics for his truck, etc.  Everything was able to get rescheduled however, and i've actually done well keeping insanely busy this week.  My broadcast reel is coming together and the third VUSN news show will hopefully be edited by tomorrow. It has been so challenging, but also rewarding this semester to push myself in the broadcast realm and do things i've never done before. It would be easy to say i couldn't because i've never been really trained at anything broadcast, or even had a real class on it. For me, its been a trial and error journey though, and i am proud of what i have produced and accomplished this semester.   We also just came out with the 10th and final issue of The Voice.  We put in an insane amount of work on this last issue and wanted so badly to go out with a bang.  It was great to see it come together and everyone really pull through. From the feedback we've gotten, it was out best issue to date.  THAT is a good feeling.   

Without Bo, I've really poured myself into my work this year. In part because it took my mind off the loneliness and the daily challenge of a strenuous workload was somehow soothing as I could never get out of my mind how hard Bo was working and what strain he was under.  Perhaps in that struggle, i felt closer to him.   Now that he is coming home, these last few weeks before graduation are going to be tough to maintain any motivation.

Almost There!

      Although it is still skeptical until they have actually landed back at Nellis AFB, Bo is supposed to be home in the next 10-12 days!  All things considered the last few months have gone by extremely fast, and now that the end is approaching and i can't do anything but look at the clock, time seems to be at a stand still.    

      Since when did two weeks take so long? I am taking a week off of school when Bo gets in. It will be unbelievably good to just be with him....to just get lost in each other all over again.   We're going to go to IA to buy him a truck soon after he gets back....can anyone say roadtrip!? :)

      One good thing about the military is at least in this day and time we have some stability to fall back on.  I don't know if i'll be able to find a job, but at least we aren't nervous about his.     Its good to feel anticipation, hope, and expectation.  The countdown is on. 

Class Dismissed

The eastern border of Afghanistan butts sharply up against Pakistan, but the exchange of ideals and extremism seems almost fluid between the two countries especially in the border tribal lands.  Where Afghanistan has denied its girls education under the Taliban regime, most of Pakistan has -- if not directly supported it--at least allowed its existence.  With the presence of Taliban militants increasing, especially along the border regions, that is quickly changing.  

Many people have questioned our tactics in this ongoing war against such a fluid enemy whose tentacles are far-reaching and expanding despite our concerted efforts.  Many have wondered at the affect more humanitarian aid would bring to a people who often resort to the strictest islamic extremism because nothing else has given them hope.  Education is key to this effort to giving the people - whether Iraqi, Afghani or Pakistani--a way to live honorably and progressively. It is also one of the main targets which the Taliban want to close down.   Education for girls has seen the brunt of it.   The New York Times ran in incredible short documentary on the plight of these school girls in the Swat region of Pakistan.  It is entitled "Class Dismissed in Swat Valley" 

Over 50,000 girls in this little valley in northwestern Pakistan have been forced to quit their education. Fearing for the safety of their families and their own lives, school authorities have been threatened into shutting the doors of schools struggling to bring a country's young hope and a brighter future.  Girls still risking it have been found mauled, burned with acid, and beheaded.  The Pakistan government allows education for girls, but in this and other areas, their rule is no match for the Taliban presence in the towns and surrounding villages and the demands of obedience that go out every night on the FM radio.  

The thing that strikes me so much is the intense desire to learn these children have. Looking around them, they know there is more to life than incessant fighting.  The girls want to make a difference just as much as the boys. They envision themselves as female doctors, lawyers, politicians, teachers. They have hopes and dreams and now are stowed away, afraid to come out of their gated dirt yards.   The Taliban shows no mercy and every day those who were too interested in "social causes" are found in the town square beheaded, beaten, or worse.   The fight to learn is unreal in these children.  They are not happy with complacency. They want more and when all around them is unrest and hopelessness, their optimism and determination are hopefully the needed drops in a swelling tide for change.

Greg Mortenson was a wellknown mountain climber attempting to summit the treacherous K2 mountain in the Hindu Kush. His book, "Three Cups of Tea" is an inspiring account of how he stumbled into this Pakistani village lost, malnourished, and near death.  The Balti people brought him back to strength and in the process, Mortenson gained an incredible understanding and appreciation for the hearty mountain people whose own survival was barely scraped from the rough existence on one of the world's tallest mountain ranges foothills.   Unable to hire a full time teacher or build a school, the children of Korphe studied outside in the cold, often by themselves, determinedly scratching out multiplication tables in the dirt with a stick.   

Mortenson described their dogged determination: "Can you imagine a fourth-grade class in America, alone, without a teacher, sitting there quietly and working on their lessons? I felt like my hear was being torn out. There was a fierceness in their desire to learn, despite how mightily everything was stacked against them."  With that experience burned in his memory, Mortenson returned to America to fulfill his promise to build the children of Korphe a school.  Over the next decade , Mortenson built not just one but fifty-five schools --especially for girls--in the forbidding terrain that gave birth to the Taliban.

If one man can make such a difference, how can we as a nation not succeed in our endeavor to bring not just peace, but a better way of life to a people and a land that so desperately wants it?

Not in the Know

Part of what makes a deployment so hard is the complete lack of information that a soldier...a special forces PJ....can tell his wife. I am insanely curious by nature. My mother always teased me about how curious i was from even before i could talk.  Perhaps part of that curiosity about the world and those around me has evolved into the desire to pursue journalism.

Bo and I get to talk fairly often but i want to know every detail, every nuance of what his day entails. Its bad enough he has to be away from me, but it makes it more bearable if i can share his days with him.   I know that it is not his choice to not tell me things, but literally is for the sake of his team, and the cause in Afghanistan.  You literally never know who is listening i guess.

I was perusing the New York Times to see if i could find out anything about what maybe Bo is doing....

Kabul, Afghanistan (AP) -- A roadside bomb killed four United States soldiers in southern Afghanistan on Tuesday, the United States military said, the latest example of the growing strength of the insurgency there as President Obama prepares to deploy additional troops to the country

In southern Helmand Province on Monday, coalition and Afghan forces killed 16 militants when responding to gunfire from insurgents on their convoy, the United States military said in another statement...

                                                                                              In whatever action Bo sees or doesn't see, 

I guess my greatest hope is for him to find fulfillment. He joined this 

career field to help, to rescue, to go in when no one else could or would; he joined to serve. "The mission of a US AF Pararescueman is to recover downed and injured aircrew members in austere and non-permissive environments."  He is one of the most highly trained men out there. His safety is in God's hand....as is his ability to be used.  

"hacking the mish"

So the guys over in the "sandbox" as they like to call it often refer to their jobs as "hacking the mish". That is what they live for--doing the mission.  Cutting through the red tape and get the opportunity to actually do what they've been training for years to do is always a challenge and one of their greatest frustrations. In fact, because of one reason or the other, their inability to do the job they are way more than qualified to do, is one of the top reasons guys get out of this AF Special Ops field.  

I often feel like i'm "hacking the mish" myself back here in the states.  Although i wanted a full last semester to keep myself busy while Bo is gone, i've never had a more stressful, more difficult few months. The term workaholic is depressingly, albeit not by choice, accurate. I love challenging myself and staying busy with projects and schoolwork i find truly fulfilling, but there is no way i could do this amount for very long.  Thank goodness i have zero desire to go to grad school any time soon. :)   

So while my husband may be fulfilling the real meaning of the term, i find myself feeling pretty beat up by the same concept. 10-12 hour days, 7 days a week.   My "deployment" here to VU will be up with my May 9 graduation and I'll finally have my diploma in one hand and my husband's hand in my other.  What a good feeling that will be.

A Needed Surge

Everyone is talking about the expected 30,000 troop surge to Afghanistan.  Many of those troops are already there or are en route--my husband's base no exception.  The real question remains though, what is this relatively small number of increased ground power really going to do?  The country-side remains  the real threat and most agree the Taliban is growing faster than we can force them out. The big cities remain in NATO's control, however the vast majority of the population live in tiny villages scattered like toothpicks on a bare kitchen floor.   A nightmare of a situation to take control of and then to keep that control.   

Anne Applebaum in her Op-Ed Column of the Washington Post argues that the only "surge" that will last is if the Afghan army itself is enlarged to where it is able to have a real and visible presence in the whole of the country. Right now its some 80,000 soldiers are hardly that.   I am inclined to agree, as well, with her notion of the Afghan military being one of the few solutions to unifying a country who's tribes, dialects, and ethnicities are mind-bogglingly numerous. National identity is crucial to instill in these soldiers who come together for a common cause--one they can believe in and have a real hand in creating--and who can also instill that feeling in their fellow country-men.  

The Allied troops who are there are brave, loyal and most have the best intentions. We are not, however, Afghani and are not privy to a complete understanding of an exceptionally unique civilization who has withstood a surprising number of invaders.  So the point is this:  Our ability to enable the Afghans to not only defend their country themselves, but to create national identity in which it is possible to defend it, is undeniably crucial to our success in this war against terrorism.     This surge of troops must have the goal of not just seeking out the Taliban or providing support, but also for helping to create an institution in Afghanistan of which their own people can admire, respect and ultimately trust.   

The timetable for this will not be indefinite.  Already our support is waning and the number of innocent civilians caught in the cross-fire increasing. In another article in the Washington Post, author John F. Kerry said, "We shouldn't delude ourselves into thinking that we are in anything but a race against time in a region suspicious of foreign footprints...Our goal has never been to dominate Afghanistan but, rather, to eliminate al-Qaeda's haven and to empower Afghans to govern their country in line with their best interests and our national security."

We must win the battle of the support of the Afghani people, specifically through training their military, to ensure our success over the Taliban.   And we must win them over soon.

woman to woman

I often wonder about the women of the Middle East.  I wonder if they truly realize the disparity in the lives they lead with the lives women in developed countries lead.   I wonder if repression and oppression become so instilled they just become content?  And if they aren't content, could they ever be truly happy?  I read the book, Infidel, in the past year or so.  It is an amazing and insightful book that portrays the intricacies of living as a woman in a muslim society.  The woman who wrote it literally took her own life in her hands to publish this unfiltered truth of a life and religious culture she claims can hold literally no hope or promise for women. 

I am blessed because of so many things, but largely, because i can choose.  I can say "I will".  I have ownership over that pronoun.  ....how much of the world does not. I can't stress enough the freedom that is found in my faith, either.  Because of a conscientious choice I made to surrender to a Saviour who knows me intimately; to give him everything; to give him that "choice" i clung to so desperately,  I am now know the greatest freedom i've ever experienced.  The paradox is strangely quieting.    I feel for those women...my heart breaks for the life they have had to endure and the future they know awaits.   I want to help them, but i'm not sure how.

not all roses

So compared to fifty years ago, communication with deployed family members in the military is much more advanced.  Satellite phones, skype, internet, and emails all transmit messages instantly over half the circumference of the globe to enable a stream of thought that in previous wars was unheard of.   

All that is true.  But still. It doesn't feel like enough.  I miss my husband. 

 Because i've had to finish school four hours away from where we are stationed, coupled with the amount of time Bo is gone for different training schools, we have dealt with being long distance for the majority of our relationship.   It's not fun, but you grit your teeth and push through because you know its for a greater good and its not going to last forever.   Those days felt easier though with the constant communication that was at our disposal.   Going from that to just a couple times a week (and we can't skype) feels like deprivation.

I was reading again about the situation in southern Afghanistan and now the Swat region of Pakistan.  The Taliban is gaining more control in the countryside and has taken a sizeable bite out of Afghanistan's bordering country.  Although Obama is promising to send more troops to help keep the country from slipping back into the Taliban's control, many don't think the numbered 30,000 troops will even begin to be enough.  Afghani locals are apathetic at best towards their government and even the NATO troops that have promised to bring reform to their country but are now finding their hands tied as they try to back that promise up.   For the troops i can't imagine how frustrating it must be as they spend all their resources to shore up control of the main cities only to see the country side and the very people they are risking their lives for wind up in Taliban hands.    Unless Obama and the rest of NATO steps up with more troops and more resolve to see this thing out, we are fighting a losing battle.

I am incredibly proud of my husband and the job he is doing in southern Afghanistan as a PJ. Not only is he one of the highest trained operators out there, he is ready and willing to do whatever necessary to get the job done. He believes in defending the freedoms we hold so dear and enabling the oppressed to have the opportunity for those same freedoms.  The sacrifices every single man and woman who is deployed, has been deployed, or has a loved one deployed cannot be just for wishful thinking.  Lets do the job.  If we truly do "hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal," we can't do this thing half-way.   

What is our sacrifice worth, if, in the end, it accomplishes nothing?

The faces of defiant hope

Books like "Kite Runner" and "A Thousand Splendid Suns" steadily evolve into faces that become more real and stories that make you cringe, but demand to be heard. Those books might have been written from a time decades past, but the experiences within are not long gone. Its hard to not think Afghanistan is in the same miry, sand pit its struggled in for so long. Haven't the last eight years made any difference?  The New York Times op/ed page sheds light on an ongoing struggle that threatens our very confidence that life is indeed better in what is referred to as "the sandbox."  Here is an excerpt from that editorial,   www.nytimes.com/2009/01/17/opinion/17sat3.html

"Ms. Husseini is a student at the Mirwais School for Girls outside Kandahar. Two months ago, as she was walking to school with her sister, a man on a motorcycle sprayed her with acid, burning her face and eyelids. Fourteen other students and teachers were attacked that day in an attempt to shut down the school. It failed. 

As Ms. Husseini told our colleague Dexter Filkins, 'The people who did this to me don't want women to be educated. They want us to be stupid things.' Ms. Husseini's parents told her 'to keep coming to school even if I am killed.'

The Taliban denied responsibility for the assaults at the Mirwais school. But one of the group's signature and most shameful repressions during the years it ran Afghanistan was its ban on educating girls. As it has regained power and territory, it has been attacking schools and female students."

-----------------------------

American soldiers, along with Nato allies, are spread thin across Afghanistan and especially in the south--the birthplace of the Taliban. A PJ like those in my husband's unit, are tasked with the job of rescuing, defending, and extracting those injured or downed soldiers and Afghani civilians no matter the terrain, weather, or threat of hostile fire.  What life, however, do we rescue those Afghani civilians for? If the life they lead in our presence and after we leave is not better than the life they had under the Taliban, our job is not done.

 

A New Chapter

John Stuart Mill once said, "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important that his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

That was over a 150 years ago, but time has yet to erase its strong ringing truth.

Welcome to this blog. As an Air Force wife, whose Special Forces husband is deep in Afghanistan, these are my thoughts, fears, and frustrations with the military, the war, the life back home and the many faceless persons so far away in whom i see a beautiful, desperate hope.

This blog is the Eye of The Storm.